Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Rainy California Day
Today's just been one of those days. Nothing old or new to report, nothing out of the ordinary. Just average. It's just on these average days that I spend my time anxiously awaiting what the future holds for me.
Last year was crazy. It was full of so much action and drama and adventure. I was deeply in love with someone I had done wrong, I was coping with the loss of a loved one, and I was fixated on trying to get my life back to the place where I wanted it to be. I did so many new and exciting things- went down the American River by tire tube, sky dived, had bonfires on the beach, and went to so many kitschy towny events like the Pumpkin Festival and SF Pillow fight. There was never a dull moment, because there was so much emotion and action!
This year though has been primarily made up of ennui and waiting. I'm not the kind of girl who likes to sit around and wait for things to happen. I'm a go getter, a highly compulsive, dominant personality. So it's been hard to spend my time in this period of... well, waiting. The pond is still so to speak.
While I've been very blessed to be traveling so much, so soon into the year- it's been a little different, because I'm no longer emotionally charged, or because goals are in close reach. I'm no longer in love and pining after something that isn't right for me, I'm not gallivanting after a career right on the horizon. Now that I've switched to teaching, I've got a lot more years of school until I reach my goal. I'm doing all I can to get there... it's just taking time.
I suppose I'm just impatient.
It's just taking time.
I guess I should be really thankful that for once, I'm in a period of peace. That there aren't any huge tragedies, or family problems, or relationship issues dragging me down. The past four years in general have been crazy for me, so I'm probably not used to the calm.
I will say though, it is nice to be able to relax here and there. Diggles and I are probably going to spend a little while cleaning up my room, watching a romantic movie, and getting some studying done.
I'm going to enjoy the rain from my window. Things may be slow, but they are good.